I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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