So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
