so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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