I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
