Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
