i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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