I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
