Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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