Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
