I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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