Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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