she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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