She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
