I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
