if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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