great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
