Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
nutella sex= disaster
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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