smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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