HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
