if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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