Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
