hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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