you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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