Plan B is the new Plan A
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
