i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
