Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
