Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
