I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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