god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You made out with two different species that night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
