it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
