I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
