I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
