i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
