Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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