Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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