Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
