Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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