"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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