May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
