I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
