Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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