Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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