On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
