It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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