sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
