its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
