Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
