you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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