So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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