I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
