I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
