I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He passed out mid-signature
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
