Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
