Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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