xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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