that's an acceptable place to lick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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