My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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