I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
