If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
