This is not my ceiling
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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