You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
