I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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