you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
