sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
